Fancy a few days of solitude in the remote Australian wilderness?
Wait a minute.
You might just be murdered: perhaps by a malicious team of machine-gun wielding thugs, or maybe a group of mendacious marijuana farmers.
I know this because I watched a TV show called Under Investigation on Channel Nine last night.
I feel sorry for the people from Victoria's High Country Tourism, who promote this part of the world to tourists.
Here is the program formula: Take a presenter who used to be a big TV star a couple of decades ago.
Throw in some unsolved murders.
Add in some "experts" - a bloke who lives near where some disappearances occurred; a criminologist who has failed to solve the "crimes" previously.
Add a bloke with a very serious face and a woman who looks like she belongs on a Keno advert.
They aim to "solve crimes and uncover new evidence".
Instead, they rehashed a lot of old theories, threw in a few red herrings and helped trash a region's tourism appeal.
That, basically, was Under Investigation in a nutshell.
No new suspects, precious little new insight. A lot of "High Country Hell".
An hour of commercial TV time wasted for both presenters and viewers. But lots of exposure for the alleged "experts". A bit like Married at First Sight, but less interesting.
If you are staying away from the wilderness in north-east Victoria right now, no one can blame you.
Homicidal lunatics, fortunately now deceased, those groups of wild men with automatic weapons firing randomly, and animals that enjoy destroying evidence.
The Australian bush is a scary enough place without these malevolent beasts out to get you.
It is easy to get lost and die if you don't prepare properly or suffer a medical incident, which is probably/possibly what happened to most of the missing people.
Go visit Victoria's High Country. Great wines, a range of boutique breweries. Some delightful small towns. And only a handful of maniacs wanting to chase you down and kill you.
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