Five places I never want to see again

The world is full of magical places. Whether you love food and wine, arts and culture or action-packed adventure holidays there is somewhere that will delight and thrill.

Most of the places I visit I thoroughly enjoy. But there are a handful that left me vowing never to return. Here are five cities I would quite happily never visit again.

Rio de Janeiro
The host city for the 2014 World Cup final and 2016 Olympic Games is a poverty-stricken dump full of dodgy characters where you need to have eyes in the back of your head at all times. Plus they are rioting in the streets right now. I had my jeans stolen from underneath my towel on Copacabana Beach after I sat up to show my watch to someone who had asked me the time. I had street kids spray liquid on my shoes so they could "clean" them for me. The massive shanty towns, or favelas (see below right), are right above some of the most acclaimed beaches - and the residents need money to survive, so scams/crimes are frequent. Well worth avoiding. 

Tel Aviv
I'm immediately wary of any race who consider themselves to be God's chosen people - as do the Israelis, who extend their superiority theories to their everyday behaviour. They love pushing and shoving. Stand in a bus queue in Tel Aviv and it will disintegrate into a mad brawling scrum the moment the bus arrives. And Tel Aviv's international hotels follow kosher rules, which means that if you enjoy a burger and a milkshake you are out of luck - unless you want to consume them separately. Imagine the Irish insisting you must eat fish because it is Friday. If you enjoy visiting cities where the people are bolshie and there are machine-gun toting military everywhere then Tel Aviv will be right up your street.

Naples
As stated previously on this blog, Naples is surrounded by many various attractions but is best avoided unless you are in the company of a local. It's a dirty, scruffy place with bag snatching one of the most famous local sports. Pickpockets abound - there are signs on all public transport warning against them - and when it gets dark some very shady characters come out to play. Would you shop at the store I snapped below just a couple of months ago? The Neapolitans love to dump their garbage in the streets and the city is home to the Camorra, a Mafia-style secret crime society. With so many other fantastic destinations in Italy, why would you bother? 

Bloemfontein
One of the heartland cities of the Afrikaners during the apartheid era in South Africa, Bloemfontein is a dull city that appears to be full of thick-necked, prop forwards with close-cropped hairstyles and aggressive attitudes. Flat and bordering on the semi-arid Karoo, Bloemfontein is quite simply not a holiday destination - unless your idea of a holiday is boerewors, pap, beer and rugby. And even then you can do better.

Vienna
I know the Austrian capital is one of the world's great cultural cities, famous for its music as well its superb coffee houses and cakes. It's beautiful, too - but I simply don't like the people that much. I once asked a well-dressed local business man the time in faltering German - and was shouted at for my poor language skills. The Viennese tend to be stern, aloof and unsmiling (in my experience) and don't have a sense of humour about their history. Much as I'd love to love Vienna I just can't.

No doubt many of you will love these cities, and call me a racist, or a bigot or someone trotting out stereotypes. I'm just calling it as I see it. Feel free to disagree - or offer your own selections. 

A special treat in the Yarra Valley

Not only is the Yarra Valley one of the most beautiful wine regions in Australia; it is only just one hour from Melbourne if the traffic is kind. 

Chateau Yering is an elegant and historic property in a heritage-listed Victorian mansion on 250 acres bordering the Yarra River and is surrounded by beautiful gardens dating back to 1854.

Etremely elegant and upmarket, it has been a luxury hotel since 1997 and is the ideal venue for a romantic weekend or for anyone planning to explore the many highlights of the Yarra Valley and its cellar doors.

There are just 32 suites in all, giving the property a country house ambiance, and all are spacious and well appointed. 

Chef Mathew MacCartney is cooking some impressive dishes at the award-winning Eleonore’s restaurant, where the service is impeccable. Sweetwater Café offers more casual food.

Alternatively, relax in front of an open fire with a glass of Yarra pinot.

Right next door is Yering Station, one of the Yarra’s finest wineries and cellar doors, which is open seven days a week. 

On Saturday, July 13, Chateau Yering is hosting a special truffle weekend at a cost of $1055 per couple. That includes luxury accommodation in a river suite, a truffle hunt adventure, a six-course truffle dinner matched with Pommery Champagnes and breakfast on the Sunday morning.  For details contact the events department. 

Chateau Yering, 42 Melba Highway, Yering.  (03) 9237 3333. www.chateauyering.com.au. 

The chicest address in terribly trendy Milan

A city centre palace that was left to rot for 30 years before being reborn as a luxury hotel with a fairytale theme might not sound terribly promising. At the Chateau Monfort, at the epicentre of one of Europe’s most fashionable cities, it works like a charm.

The new luxury Relais & Chateaux property, which opened last year, is a charming 77-room boutique hotel in Milan with a whimsical ambiance that also has its own extravagant gourmet restaurant, Rubacuori.

Within walking distance of the cathedral and La Scala opera house, as well as some of the best shopping on the continent, Hotel Chateau Monfort, in the elegant Monforte quarter, oozes Italian style.

The hotel’s on-site restaurant Rubacuori is quirky with ultra-professional staff and features whimsical takes on traditional Italian dishes (think maybe foie gras escalope with turmeric, mango, rice chips and sea urchins; or maybe red mullet with poached eggs, red onion compote and tea foam).  

The hotel has also instituted a Wines of the World program that features labels including Cape Mentelle, Cloudy Bay, Rupert & Rothschild from South Africa and Cheval des Andes from Argentina.

These are also available in the relaxed lounge bar, populated by a collection of funky artist types, young lovers and serious suits.

Milan is alive right now; whether you love history, fashion, sport or shopping it is one of the hottest destinations in Europe. 

The hotel – part of the Planetaria Collection that also includes the excellent Grand Hotel Savoie in Genoa - has its own fitness centre and spa, swimming pool and free wifi. Rooms have a sense of retro charm but all modern comforts and the staff are impeccably mannered. Prices start from around €265.

Hotel Chateau Monfort is at 1 Corso Concordia in central Milan. Phone +39 02 776 761. www.hotelchateaumonfort.com. 

The magic of Waiheke Island

Residents of Auckland, New Zealand’s biggest - and busiest -city would probably prefer that Waiheke Island remained their little secret. Unfortunately for them, the word is out.

Just a 35-minute passenger ferry ride away from downtown Auckland, the idyllic island has long been a bolt-hole for well-heeled city folk, an island retreat that’s a perfect day-trip or weekend destination.

Some Auckland jet setters sail their own yachts across the Hauraki Gulf to Waiheke, or take a 10-minute helicopter ride from the airport to a much slower world.

Waiheke, 19.3 kilometres long and up to 9.5 kilometres wide, has a sub-tropical micro climate and boasts myriad attractions; foremost among them a dozen or so wineries, many with top-notch cellar door restaurants, which are dotted among the neighbouring fruit farms, olive groves, cafés, art studios and galleries.

Even at peak periods, Waiheke has a somnambulant feel; you get a sense that even the residents are in holiday mode.

It’s the wineries, though, that have sparked a tourism boom. They tend to specialise in red wines with cabernet sauvignon, merlot, malbec and  cabernet franc all doing well. Chardonnay and pinot gris have also been planted.

Family-owned and operated Mudbrick vineyard and restaurant (above), which has a Tuscan vibe, is a popular spot and many of the dishes feature vegetables and herbs from the restaurant’s own potager. It has been described as "one of the most romantic places on earth".

Residents say some of the best food on the island is found at Cable Bay winery restaurant while other wineries worth visiting include Goldwater Estate, whose vineyard overlooking Putiki Bay matches the views offered by Mudbrick and Cable Bay, cabernet specialist Stonyridge Vineyard and Te Whau.

Te Whau boasts it has “the finest wine list in New Zealand” and serves Pacific Rim cuisine, while Rangihoua Estate produces a range of extra virgin olive oils. The island’s biggest producer, Man O’War, also recently opened a new cellar door.

Art lovers, meanwhile, will want to pick up the Waiheke Arts Trail brochure, which highlights 30 island studios worth visiting, including the Waiheke Community Art Gallery, which is open daily.

Waiheke is also notable for a number of natural health therapists offering treatments ranging from massage to yoga, pilates and spiritual healing. 

Visitors might well be tempted to spend a night or two operating at a slower pace and there can be fewer more chic spots to stay than The Boatshed; very exclusive, but very relaxed.

Overlooking peaceful Oneroa Bay, The Boatshed (below) has just a handful of designer suites and is cute and chic. 

The rooms are gorgeous, the service attentive, the food outstanding. The ambiance here is reminiscent of a small European fishing village, making it a perfect spot for winding down.

The suites all feature king-sized beds, fine linens, open fireplaces and five-star amenities. The Lighthouse, a three-level retreat, offers absolute seclusion – and is perfect for a romantic escape.

Breakfast can be enjoyed in bed, around the hotel breakfast table, or alfresco, while lunch is served throughout the day; eat as and when the whim strikes. Dinner customarily features local ingredients; seafood, olive oils, fresh fruits and vegetables and organic homemade breads.

As you’d expect, there’s an excellent wine list featuring many of the red wines made on the island. Note: The Boatshed reopens after its winter break on July 12. 

The Boatshed: Phone: +649 372 3242. www.boatshed.co.nz. To learn more about Waiheke Island, see www.waiheke.co.nz.

Bruny: The island with the lot

Whether you enjoy hiking, camping, wildlife or gourmet goodies, Bruny Island has plenty to offer. 

The first thing that hits you is the lack of noise. Bruny is the same size as Singapore, but has a population of fewer than 1000 rather than 4.5 million.

Tasmania’s fourth-largest island is just a 30-minute drive and 15-minute car ferry ride south of Hobart via the Mirambeena, which operates year-round. It’s close to 100 kilometres from tip to tail and can be almost deserted midweek, making it the perfect escape from city hustle and bustle with limited mobile reception, beautiful beaches (Adventure Bay, below) has been 

named among the best in Australia) and dramatic scenery.

Then there's the local critters. From white wallabies to quolls and pademelons, a colony of fairy penguins and all manner of birds, from parrots to perky little red-breasted creatures, the island is alive with them. Fur seals inhabit rocky outcrops and can be seen on adventure cruises operated by Rob Pennicott’s Bruny Island Cruises.

Also keep an eye out for sea eagles, albatrosses and – during the season – dolphins and whales. We had to slow down to allow a sluggish echidna to cross the road.

Bruny Island was first sighted by Abel Tasman in 1642 and named after Rear Admiral Bruny d’Entrecasteaux, who visited the island in 1792-93.

Captains Furneaux, Flinders, Cook and Bligh all anchored in Adventure Bay, which takes its name from Furneaux’s ship and the tiny Bligh Museum of Pacific Exploration at Adventure Bay and the Alonnah History Rooms are both open to the public.

There are several cafes on what are effectively two islands joined by a narrow isthmus and gourmets will be in their element here with smoked fish and delicious dips from the Bruny Island Smokehouse, a selection of artisan cheeses and wood-fired breads from Bruny Island Cheese, fresh oysters from Get Shucked and wine tastings at Bruny Island Premium Wines, Australia’s southernmost vineyard.

In summer, pick up fresh berries from the Bruny Island Berry Farm – pick your own if you enjoy working for your supper.

There’s just one pub, and only one petrol station, so it pays to plan ahead if you need a beer or to fill the tank.

Most of the accommodation here is self-catering, or camping. There are no five-star resorts or big brand hotels.

Adventure Bay Retreat, just a short walk from the beach, is a great place to spot wildlife at night. It comprises two styles of boutique accommodation: a three-bedroom lodge that accommodates up to eight people and a smaller cottage.

The lodge (right) has two bedrooms featuring king-sized beds, fitted with goose and down feather mattress topper, plus quilt and king-sized pillows, along with a third bedroom with two sets of bunks. One of the bedrooms includes an en-suite bathroom with a free standing designer stone bath placed by the windows to relax in the bath and watch the busy wildlife outside. An outside deck features a barbecue and the retreat is fully equipped with fridge, coffee machine, kitchen, TV, DVD player and music system.

The cottage, which is designed for couples, has a king-sized bed and a large two-person sized spa bath surrounded on two sides by glass. It is also fully equipped for self-catering with in-floor heating, combustion wood heater and double glazing ensuring a cosy stay. The lodge costs from $300 per couple per night and the cottage from $240.

Another alternative is All Angels Church House, a delightfully converted former church that can accommodate up to five people.

Bruny Island is part of the Huon Trail, which meanders its way through the southernmost part of Tasmania. Next stop Antarctica.

Adventure Bay Retreats offers a three-bedroom lodge suitable for up to eight people and a spa cottage for couples looking for a romantic weekend away. Phone 0419 300 392 or visit www.adventurebayretreat.com.au

All Angels Church House, a former church converted into a comfy cottage, can cater for up to six people and has a log fire for winter. Phone (03) 6293 1271. www.brunyisland.com.

For more details see www.brunyisland.org.au; www.huontrail.org.au.  

Scarce Earth: McLaren Vale offers quality and variety

With a well-deserved reputation for producing some of Australia’s gutsy, most flavoursome red wines, McLaren Vale is the perfect day trip or weekend destination for anyone visiting Adelaide.

Drive just 45 minutes out of the South Australian state capital and you’ll discover 60 plus cellar doors and a genuine country welcome, along with some top-notch restaurants.

With its rich soils, warm climate and cooling sea breezes from the Gulf of St Vincent, McLaren Vale has been a premium winemaking region for almost two centuries and produces wines with power and flavour that usually offer excellent value for money.

There is a good choice of modern tasting facilities and small, quirky cellar doors where there is every chance you’ll be served by the owner, winemaker or viticulturist.

Many of the leading wineries here remain family owned and run, including names like Oliver’s Taranga, d’Arenberg (below), Coriole, Angove’s and Geoff Merrill.

While there are no luxury retreats, accommodation choices range from the popular McLaren Vale Motel and Apartments to cosy options like the Bellevue Bed and Breakfast and Red Poles. 

Wine lovers will have several names on their list including family-friendly Wirra Wirra which has a barbecue area and deck overlooking the vines; and historic d’Arenberg, which last year celebrated its 100^th birthday.

Here the cellar door and the excellent d’Arry’s Verandah restaurant are housed in a 19^th-century homestead with striking views – and tutored tastings are offered for a small fee.

In the recently renovated Stables Wine Immersion Centre, visitors are invited to explore the quirky labels, McLaren Vale geology, viticultural practices and winemaking philosophies.

Other favourites include Chapel Hill, with a huge range of individual-site wines, a cooking school and luxurious The Retreat accommodation facility; relative newcomer Angove’s with a state-of-the-art tasting room, cellar door and boutique function facility and the Shingleback in a beautifully renovated colonial building - the original barn of Aldersey Farm, built in the late 1800s and restored in 2003.

Also visit Coriole, pioneers of sangiovese in Australia, and producers of olive oils, olives and cheeses to enjoy a regional platter.

   

Small producers like Samuel’s Gorge, Kangarilla Road, Pertaringa, Primo Estate, Shottesbrooke, Oliver’s Taranga (below) and Battle of Bosworth are also worth seeking out, along with historic Hardy’s Tintara.

Other impressive labels include Chalk Hill, Dandelion Vineyards, Dowie Doole,  Alpha Box and Dice, Brash Higgins, Mitolo, Hugh Hamilton, Paxton, Hither & Yon  and Fox Creek.

The newest cellar door, only opened in late April, is Gemtree’s new sustainable facility overlooking their vineyards and wetlands.

There is also no shortage of places to eat with the second incarnation of The Elbow Room (below) hugely popular with locals. It can be found adjacent to the Shingleback cellar door.

Chef Nigel Rich, who spent eight years as co-head chef at the iconic d'Arry's Verandah, started at the Producers of McLaren Vale facility but now has more room to move and the new site has stunning views of newly planted vines and the surrounding hills of the Vale region. 

Fino is something of a Willunga institution and a favourite with local winemakers. Chef David Swain produces rustic, flavoursome dishes with a Mediterranean accent, concentrating on local produce, while d’Arry’s Verandah at d’Arenberg is consistently good with a vibrant atmosphere, great views and hearty portions.

Other favourite eateries include the Currant Shed, The Kitchen Door at Penny’s Hill and Mr Riggs cellars, the iconic Victory Hotel at Sellicks Beach; The Star of Greece, Woodstock Coterie and Red Poles.

The former Salopian Inn, more recently known as the Vale Inn Tap House, is under new ownership and reverting to a fine dining format.

One of McLaren Vale’s most innovative projects is the Scarce Earth program, now in its third year, which explores and celebrates the geolological, climatic and soil diversity throughout the region.

Driven by winemakers including Chester Osborn of d’Arenberg and Michael Fragos of Chapel Hill, Scarce Earth features single-site shirazes from all corners of the region; this time 23 different shirazes from the 2011 vintage that express their sense of place.

   

The new-release wines are available to taste and buy only at McLaren Vale cellar doors or the local visitors’ centre until August 1 when any that remain will be put on sale.

Scarce Earth highlights the region's best vineyards reaching their full expression through single site wines contrasted by the sub-regions and soil geology profiles they come from.

The Willunga Farmers’ Market, held ever Saturday, is also a great spot to sample local produce and rub shoulders with the artisans. The entire region is something of a foodies’ paradise with a wide range of boutique operators producing olive oils, venison, cheese, chocolates and other gourmet goodies.